Something Missing!

That night I was sitting on my study table near the sliding window. I actually tried every possible thing from reading some articles to watching some videos but that did not last for long! I then ended trying up, asking myself why! As It had continuously been raining for five hours, frontal passage could be seen filled with water around it! I only could feel the smell of the clay surrounded by the place and blasé of the rain drops! I was not afraid of losing lights that night! I then put on some music to divert my mind (I still don't know from what). From imagine dragon, miley to selena, I finally did stop searching at bollywood slow songs. I absolutely had no idea from what i was going through ! Little did I know that I didn't care about anything that night! No tears, no care! First time in my life, I felt myself careless, fearless but not helpless! I was singing some of the lines from the songs as per the sign of the time!

Drops of the rain, entering from the window, rolling down from my right cheek, I did not even take the wiping thing seriously! of course I was not lost, as I could feel the drop running downward in zigzag way. One by one 21 songs had been played and my eyes were still searching for something glazed! Phone was beeping continuously but I did not give attention at that particular time! Time was passing but my mind was not even moving or letting me move! Something must had happened to me that day but I couldn't even imagine from what was I passing through! Things I was feeling at that time were silence of the road, mix smell of clay and flowers and the moisture, chilled blowing wind and noise of the raindrops with some of my late night favourite songs! 

At the moment I thought to give up accepting that feeling could be of being lost, I suddenly saw an old lady shivering under the tree and that certainly brought my first tear. Kind of feeling my heart felt at that particular time, I am unable to explain! I suddenly got up from the place and got my umbrella, pair of my one of the cotton clothes wiped in plastic bag and extra shawl then I went to the balcony and throw to the lady! She then opened umbrella and covered herself with the shawl and waved her hands for showing me her blessings and I could figure her tears out of the raindrops from her face by feeling the feeling that she was feeling that time! I then went back to my room for bringing some food packets for her, by the time I reached at my balcony, she might have disappeared, as my eyes could not find her. But my heart found her happy and saved. I just came to know that even if my mind stops showing care and love, my heart takes care of my sensitivity, kindness and humanity. My body felt released, eyes got satisfied and soul got peace and finally I fell asleep.
I think this was something missing that day, my soul was finding myself somewhere.

- Hinal Modi